Friday, October 15, 2010
Let's be serious
The biggest place to explore is one's mind. I surprise myself. Honestly, I do. I come up with the most random things, I conceive the most elaborate (mostly unrealistic) plans in my mind and I tell others all about them. Only that the people I tell will, 99.9% of the time, not know what I am talking about. So I'm left alone, but there is still hope! There is this space! And so my mind will run wild...1) I can let myself go with some people because we have an understanding, but for some others, I can't, because we're still understanding each other.
2) Life is not life just as I know it. It is more, it is bigger than what I have thought of it. And thus, there are many other ways to live life. And there are so many options. I cannot begin to explain the directions of all the possibilities.
3) I'm grateful I'm studying in this program, because my eyes have been opened, and I see in more angles and perspectives than before.
4) That gives me a lot to think about. Because there's so much material, but only one mind. While processing, I am a little tempted, which brings me to;
5) With great power comes great responsibility. And so, with great knowledge comes great responsibility too. With so many options, and so many persons I could be, I need to choose wisely.
6) I'm considering God in my options. Would whatever I explore in my head, be in His plans for me. Will he disapprove?
7) I need to know what means the most to me. The importance of the people around me, and my love for them.
8) If I am so liberated and free, why am I still in a cage. It is so ironic. I should let go.
9) I should respect other people.
10) Like T. S. Eliot, I shall continue with life, even if bombs drop overhead, because it will all pass. And life will go on.
11) So now I have less despair and no worry, because in a sense, what is meant to be will be. So I want to trust God.
12) Which reminds me of the Calvinistic viewpoint I learnt about. But I object to half of that.
13) I'm moving towards the spiritual, away from the physical. Does it sound scary? Well it's not. It's true. To most people, I sound crazy. But learning that it doesn't matter, that the judge is not the world, but my Lord, that everybody can misunderstand, and it doesn't matter, because I don't care what they think. The only person's opinion that matter's is God's.
14) I am thankful for the peace in my heart. And I am not afraid.
15) If you've never felt peace and joy from your heart, then you're not there yet.
16) I want to save everyone. I need to. Because it is my duty here.
17) That means I have to have a big, big heart.
18) Sometimes it's hard, when I know the big picture, and I know where everyone's headed. But they don't know that. Sometimes wisdom invokes a heavy heart.
Mr Darcy: You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.
1:32 AM.
1:32 AM.