Tuesday, June 29, 2010
When You're Sick
You know what's the best part of being sick, knowing that you will only get better. In the meantime, I'm celebrating. Let the drinks flow!Okay of course the picture's not this rosy. I'm just being optimistic. I've got many other side effects to deal with. I can celebrate, provided I get past;
1) My one blocked nostril
Seems like if it unblocks itself, it's only for a couple of seconds. So right now, I live my life depending on half my nose.
2) Not being able to smell anything
Yes this feels like crap. My brother came home and remarked, "What's that nice smell?!" Uh... I've been home 10 minutes. There is no nice smell. There is no smell!
3) Looking like some beat up ninja with a cold pack wrapped around my head and some tissue up my nose
See I don't mind, because the stuffed nostril is actually not working, it's blocked. It's just that, it makes it hard for me to drink you know. I feel like an elephant. Know why? Because every time I drink, I have to make sure one end of the tissue doesn't stick into my cup. This sounds disgusting, and I assure you it is.
4) Losing strength
I hardly feel like a 100%. I'm holding on to poles, tables, chairs, whatever I can grab to steady myself. Pretty soon my mother will be suspecting that I've been drinking because I walk like a drunkard.
5) My head hurting
This one's really bad. I feel like I'm being squeezed from all sides. This is probably the worse out of all the bad stuff. The worst of the worse! You know what the worst thing is? That I type a post like this when I get this sick. It's not me. It's my head!
6) Throat like sandpaper
Especially if I wake up in the morning, there's no moisture in there and if I cough or yawn, feels like I'm splitting my throat, like I'm tearing my head from my neck. It goes "urghh!!!!" and it splits and I become a version of Nearly Headless Nick.
I feel like a light bulb, a really hot one. I'm the heat-radiating centre of the world, in the bus, on the train, at the office. I'm a hot spot on the satellite image, just an image of Singapore and not Indonesia. I feel like a burning tree. My nose is on fire. And clearly I'm not thinking straight because here I am, whining, right here.
Forgive me.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Mother
Mother
You have so many faces
You make me laugh
You make me cry
You make me frustrated
And sometimes, you just really are so funny.
You have so many faces
You make me laugh
You make me cry
You make me frustrated
And sometimes, you just really are so funny.
You know of moments when you laugh inside of yourself, like not in a crazy mental way, but when you think of something funny and relive the moment, and you remember what made it funny in the first place? Some crazy happy chemical inside of you just gets unleashed and you feel so good and so happy that it almost seems like you're crazy. And I just said that laughing inside of yourself is not in a crazy mental way. Well, you get what I mean.
So that get's unleashed when I walk around in my head, decide to open the old thought cabinet where I store my memories and I take 'em out and like Dumbledore, just plunge myself back into the moment when it happened. I had one of those moments today while cooking. My mom, the coolest, naggy, angry, crazy, nice, most insane mom on the planet decided to do "the boyfriend talk" with me.
First of all I'm thankful, wow, that she's finally getting to it. She really must care huh? She goes on about how I need that support and I'm going, "No no!! Why must I be dependent on someone?". You know, when you've been brought up all your life to think independently, it's hard to accept that that very same person who made me... well, me, is telling me to go and find someone to depend on. Ironic? Well at that point people, we were in the middle of making dumplings. So I had "the boyfriend talk" while cooking. Funny. And real discreet.
Here's the best part. When I was 12 and entering another school, she was going crazy on me, telling me I'd "better concentrate on my studies and don't go and find a boyfriend!". Clearly, clearly that was not a problem with me, giving my current marital status. I have never found the need to depend on someone else. I'm my own person's person. I'm my own secretary, manager, cook, cleaner, nanny, I even entertain myself. So mom telling me to go and "get a guy", not working for me right now and I can say, in the near future.
I know this probably doesn't sound that funny because I'm typing it, but it makes me laugh inside. And it's interesting, that my mom is this type of person. I feel like I'm going to get more laughs in the future. And I'm going to do that crazy thing, laughing inside, and I'm going to feel happy, and I'm going to laugh some more, and I'm going to laugh, feel happy, laugh, feel happy, and repeat that.
There are so many things that I feel like I don't have, or I've been deprived of, but I know I'm much better off than a whole lot of other people. I'm thankful, I'm so thankful. I get angry sometimes but I'm still thankful.
p.s. Oh, and did I mention, I think the reason she did "the boyfriend talk" with me, is because my cousin is getting married. Thanks alot mom! And yes I know, and I know as well. I get it. Okay. Now, that's over.