Saturday, February 27, 2010
Peter Pan

I was supposed to do this yesterday. Now it's 1.55am. Well yesterday is still... well today... tonight! Tonight is still yesterday. I don't care! Hahaaaaaa!!!!!

Right now I'm high on sugar (does mac 'n' cheese contain sugar?). I think. Well I might be high on happiness because... THANK GOD FRIDAY NIGHT HAS COME!!! You have absolutely no idea. Today I did an exam for a module I don't like and it wasn't so bad... I only stopped making sense to me from the second essay onwards. I think it's going to be cool. The scolding from my lecturer I'm anticipating.

I might as well write this now, after all the bullshit you've just read.

I was waiting for the bus today and I see this girl that I've seen three times, with her little sister waiting for her school bus. That girl happens to go to my alma mater and it felt good to be seeing someone receiving that same education I did years ago. Everytime I see her, her sister and herself will be climbing the guardrail at the sheltered pathway to the bus stop. Today when I saw her, I realised something.

I was reminded of how a proper Romantic childhood should be like and I realise, we don't have enough trees. We do not have trees to climb. Our little brothers and sisters grow up in a concrete world. We don't have the childhood of the past; we can't walk into our gardens and pluck fruit and scavenge for strawberries or something. Right now, I feel so deprived. I will never know the feeling of climbing a tree, or having a tree house, or playing pirates in the yard.

You can't blame her for climbing the guardrail. I was wondering whether they still had gymnastics in school, she should join up.

Most parents these days, they reprimand their children for their "bad" behaviour like climbing railings and just monkeying around. But they're kids! The way I see it, it's wrong! I wish I lived in the past. I wished I had a garden I could take long walks in, a tree house to be my hiding place, wear a tunic and run around; get myself all muddy and dirty, steal a cookie from the cookie jar, get chased after by a dog. You know... I wish I lived during Enid Blyton's time.

Whatever the case, I don't want to grow up. I'm the resistant grow-upper. Don't make me, Mom!

P.S. Today I saw a couple of elementary school kids ripping the cardboard off new toy guns. It looked so childish to me, until I started wondering if I was worse at Primary Six.

Sunday, February 21, 2010
Being A Child

This early morning, I have in my heart a call that I would like to share and answer.

As I go through everyday, I walk through life, many things happen. Nice things happen, and not so nice things happen. Well for me, I have been so blessed to not have much issues (maybe I do but God is great), I get to sit at the sidelines and watch instead. Increasing I feel and I know that there is such a simple solution to all our issues and problems and dilemmas and guilt and how to just live better.

HOW???

Just... be a child again.

Be like a little child, a little boy or girl again. Put down all the worldly burdens, all the expectations of everyone. Go back to when you were pure and innocent. Without a care, when there was no bias or discrimination, no judgement or hate, know nothing but of love, love nothing but all a child loves. Honour as a child would. Give as a child would. Live as a child would. Love as a child would.

Imagine the possibilities, what I propose may sound a little farfetched, but I have good reason to suggest it. Picture an office, and if everyone acted like a child, gone are the politics, backstabbing, discrimination, selfishness. Often we work towards peace and harmony in a social circle. Examine closely the ways to achieve that and one will find that it corresponds with qualities a child would have.

It seems like an easy thing to do, to become childlike again. But in reality, it is really difficult. Personally, it is like choosing between keeping the last piece of sweet for yourself and offering it to people who matter less, even people you don't like. What would you do?

I have been so blessed, I have come to a point that it is natural for me to always think of others and put others before myself. It is indeed a fortunate thing, that I can bless others in this way. It is small, sometimes it is sacrificing what you really want, but knowing that someone else may be able to experience a small slice of heaven (sugar rush in this context) over me, makes me feel more satisfied than if I'd saved it for myself. It is so hard to describe, it strikes your heart and very soon, you'll be doing it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

But it's not just sacrifice, it's other things as well. Basically, love needs to go around. It's not that there's not enough love, there are not enough messengers. If we just love everyone, put them in front of ourselves, care for them, then the world would be a better place. But that will never happen entirely, so there is a place I'm waiting to go to, where everything is perfect.

Right now, I feel that it is time to end this post. I know it's not a home run. This is what 6 hours of sleep can do to you; make one write in flow with one's erratic train of thoughts. Today's one of the worse days to think. Enjoy yourselves this new year!

Thursday, February 18, 2010
My New Love

I have been having so much fun lately; truly blessed by the Lord.

I found one more thing that I enjoy doing. Driving! I made it! Stage 5.1! Everytime I sit behind the wheel, I forget all the stress and concentrate on just moving and getting around. People say retail therapy to destress, I say driving! Now I'm fresh, back from a session. It makes me forget that I have exams next week.

Now that I remember, I have to do something about it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Anatomy Of My Mind

Oh my gosh! It's been a crazy life. It still is.

Days have been so exciting, tiring, draining, fun, funny, exciting (I know I've already mentioned it), cold, hot, oh and really really hot! I have good and bad days like all other people; but I always hope to have good days. I think a bad day is still a good day and I thank God because it could have been worse. So according to my definition, a bad day is still a good day just not such a good day? Something like that.

But there are days, a pick me up comes, not in the form of coffee or tea, but in the form of an angel. I know the human mind cannot conceive of God but really, I must be seeing angels! They are so cute, so short, so wordless, so innocent, so pinchable, is that even a word? Well no since my computer is giving me the wrong spelling line thing. Well, yeah they're little kids. But I like to call them angels. It might sound strange to you, I might seem like a ludicrous person and maybe I am, but I am not kidding about the kind of feeling I get when the angel walks up to you and starts playing with your Spongebob luggage tag.

Lately, I've been feeling strange. Not disturbed but that I feel like I am one of a kind. There is no one like me. I don't resemble anyone. I think that I am an eccentric individual.

1) I laugh for no reason
2) People laugh at me for no reason
3) People laugh when they see my face for no reason
4) I laugh at people for no reason
5) I laugh when I'm tired
6) I laugh when I have no sugar in my system
7) I laugh when I drink Coke
8) Then everyone laughs at me

Sounds very strange does it? But well... I LIKE IT! I don't know anyone like me. I think it would be interesting to meet me. Would I like me? Would I laugh at me? What if I hate me? Well, while I am waiting for me, there is something I would like. Lunch!

See you around!


P.S. Waiting for Godot? Waiting for me? Maybe... Samuel Beckett is a genius!