Friday, December 17, 2010
It is a quiet evening.I find there are different doors I can open. Each door conceals a different feeling that I get, from the things inside. It feels surreal; like a remote. I can control where I want to go. I can control if I want to feel. I can shut the door.
When I am in control, I feel vulnerable. Knowing that everything I have can be taken away from me. And would I survive then? If everything was stripped away, taken from me, then would I survive, just with You God?
If I want to be free from this capitalist world, can I be free? I set my sights on things above. When I do that, people think I'm crazy. They don't understand, but it doesn't matter to me. Why do I need new perspectives when I've already found the one I believe in. There is nothing else that matters.
If that detaches me from the world, do I lose my humanity? Then humanity is just something we are supposed to possess, from our history?
I think when I believe in God, I lose myself. Then it's alright! Everything makes sense. Great! I love working out thoughts typing. I seem to be more spontaneous than when I try to write.
Mr Darcy: You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.
1:04 AM.
1:04 AM.