Monday, December 27, 2010
Missing Person
I find that I can't live without people. I can't live without my friends. This is so different from when I thought I could be an island, all alone. Having something and taking it for granted feels so much better than not having it and yearning for it. That's how humans are. We only want things we don't have, or can't get.Yes I'm selfish.
I try to fill up the time with other things. But it keeps bothering me that I have temporarily lost an avenue. I am so possessive.
Happens that I was just asking my Dad who he would give the house to, my sibling, or myself? I was thinking about it, and suddenly realised that if my brother got married and his wife decided to move it, I could not deal with that. I like my personal space. We do not get many visitors. I appreciate my current situation a great deal, I don't think I could invite another person to share my world with me. My home is my space, and my place of peace. My Dad said that as long as we are not married, we can still continue to live in this house. Great. But I still think that if my brother gets married, it would be a disaster for me. I had half a mind to tell my brother to never get involved in holy matrimony. That would mean a holy disaster for me. After I while, God spoke to me, and I realised that I was being selfish, that I should always love other people, and that change is really not a bad thing. Long story short, He is sovereign over everything, that includes every situation in my life. Nothing is bad for me, just a chance for me to learn and grow.
Sometimes I feel so unwilling. I feel like I've got myself into a situation that I cannot escape. God is sovereign, but sometimes I don't feel like obeying Him. However, I cannot deny His presence. He is still the Lord. He doesn't let me go, and thus He always reminds me of His presence, through little remarks. He's right beside me to give advice. I'm thankful that He does that often. I ask that He make me a better person, that I may love and obey Him. This is my fix, but I like it. I'm just unwilling to let me go, and embrace God.
Pray for me.
Mr Darcy: You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.
12:51 AM.
12:51 AM.