Sunday, August 7, 2011
My God Constantly With Me
I think it is amazing what God does to me. Even if I feel different, I know that He has changed me forever. I am thankful that the change in me is evident in my responses. To be able to love someone who has hurt me, to not be vengeful, to always be sympathetic. I recall a friend telling me that I am too kind. I would rather not cause hurt. This is how I am changed. It's okay to throw things at me, because I can take it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Love
I thank God that I am stable and rooted in Him, so I have the ability to love the people around me. I have reached a point where I feel comfortable, I have an understanding with God. So I thank God that I am here today, so that I can be a comfort to my friends. That I can be there for them, just as You are always here for me Lord. And you remind me, that You have not forsaken anyone, so I will not. I will love, and I can, because you first loved me. Your grace and mercy is abundant in my everyday. And your love is something I will never be able to comprehend. But you have taught me to love, to put others before myself. I know that I am never truly alone, because You are always here for me Lord Jesus. I am so thankful.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Reflection (in a long time)
1) So I had a conversation with God today. I realised that first of all, I am my Father's daughter, over everything else, over who I am, over what I've done. I always felt like I had to to do something for God, but I know that I can never be enough. So that felt a like a burden. But my Father says, that love is never burdensome, if I have been feeling that, then it is not from Him. Praise God!2) I thank God that He loves my friends just as much as He loves me. That God loves everyone of us the same, despite all the different things we have done, or are doing. Because Jesus died for ALL of us. He died for us the same. Everyone is loved.
3) Exams are coming. I put my trust in Him. Just as I did for my driving test and everything before. He has never let me down.
4) Re-reading my old posts, I sometimes feel that the me today, is not as clear headed as before. I mentioned this before, I only post when I've thought of something. Nowadays, I am occupied with surfing the internet. That is a brain dead job. No thinking=no posts. This one is a reflection, which is a kind of thought, however the new material I present here is not a product of my pondering and thus, I justify that this is a reflection.
5) I don't know how many people will read this, but it doesn't matter because I'm posting for me. But I am curious...
Thank You Lord! Each new day gifted to me, you paid for with your life. Thank You for redemption, and for Your love for me that is too much to contain in my heart.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Godly Update
I have so much to say, I don't know where to start. But let me try...It's been a while. Everyday brings me closer to my exams in May. I'm sitting for my mocks now and it's not been easy. I'm feeling fear and paranoia. A lot of "what ifs", afraid that I'll forget what I'm supposed to remember. It feels different than before. Before I was confident, now I'm just trying my best and praying everyday. And I'm not going to think of failing, because even thinking of it is a kind of confirmation.
Walking with God has not been easy. You know the funny thing is, it's so easy to accept Him, but later you find out that you have a purpose in life, and you have to carry out that mission. It's not a bad thing, but it's hard, and we all know we tend to back away from the difficult things in life. Of course, nothing can stand against us, but sometimes I forget that and I let fear creep in. But I'm going to continue praying. That is my resistance, that is my strength. I should be feeling burdened, but I'm smiling as I type this. THIS, is the grace of God. Living my life for Him also means that I have to embrace things that I didn't like before. It's amazing how God can change a person. I'm proud to say that He's my Father. I am always reminded to love the people around me, even those whom I dislike or find strange. Believe me, it's awkward. I don't know how to do it, I don't know what to do, but God is good. He takes over. He is in control. Now I don't reject people. Now I try to put myself into their shoes, find out what's wrong, and if they need help. Maybe you don't understand, I feel inclined to do so. If my God has not yet rejected or judged anyone, how can I then reject anyone and cast the first stone?
So God is good. Even in a period of dryness, when I feel less of Him, when I feel tired, I know that I can call on Him to save me. Seeing people around me grow up, I begin to encounter more adult issues. It's funny how you go from talking about the childish things to relationships with the same group of friends from school. I really am growing up too fast. Did I ever mention? That my dream is to be Peter Pan?
So growing up physically, and in Christ, makes me care more about the people I disregarded when I was younger. So inevitably, my prayers get longer, and longer. Everyday, 90% of my prayers go to asking God for things, instead of praising Him for all that He has done. But He is so good, truly truly good. I've known Him my whole life, but I never ever had Him in my heart. Ever since I was a kid, I went to church, I grew up in a Catholic school where we prayed three times a day, but I never knew God as my Father. I knew Him as God the Almighty, it was never like how it is now, feeling different when I speak to Him. When I feel alone, I know He is always there for me. When giving pieces of myself to other people is so tiring, He is always there to hold me together. I always tell Him, that everything of me that I can give away, was first given to me by Him. So there is no excuse, and no tiredness, because I have an infinite and eternal source.
Sometimes you get so used to having something, you take it for granted. I pray everyday that I may wake with a grateful heart, to praise the new day, and all that He is doing for me. And I praise Him, because this entry is reminding me of how much I have changed through Christ. I am glad that I can forsake myself and let the light of Jesus shine through me.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
In Every Storm, Let God Arise
I'm tired. But I am never beat down.I feel like I have been weathering storms. Each decision a battle. Trying to do the right thing. Wanting to do it, afraid of falling into a pattern of anything else. I've been put in the middle of everything, of everyone, and I have so much to do.
But this message is one of hope! God is good! I am never drained. I am depleting but I am never empty. As I take on more things, I see the results. Of all the love that I have given, God is honouring me by loving me back. Even when I am tired, I still praise God. Because I've still got somemore! I've still got enough of me to give! Because God's grace is enough, so I have more than enough to deal with everything. I can't imagine living without God. Everything that I am, everything that I have, everything is the Lord's. So I will claim victory everyday. I will pray everyday. I will love everyday. I will shelter and give myself away. Because I have you in me. Thank You Lord Jesus, for first giving me everything, that I can give away. I love You Lord.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Growth
This year, God has put a word in my heart; growth.This year will be a year of growth, and already I can see the transformation. Truly God is good. I have been keeping a journal, writing in it daily. This year is so exciting, and I just cannot wait to see what will happen next.
This year is the year I decide to do the hard things. This year I give more of myself, and embrace more of Christ, so that eventually I will lose myself, and become Christ-like instead. Everyday I find myself in situations to win or lose the battle for God. Every decision is war. I thank Jesus for being who He is, because really, it isn't easy. Everytime I feel like giving up on doing good, I remember that I cannot. Deep down inside I am convinced of the right thing. Today's phrase is "I am convicted". So I cannot escape. God has opened my eyes to so many things. He has given me much insight, even in times of sadness. He is constantly carrying me, and lifting my heart, so that at the most unexpected moment, I am refreshed again. I pray that I will tarry until in the periods of plenty, and through the dryness as well. Because if You ask me to wait, then I will wait till You come again, because You will come again.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
A Dream
I feel like I need to write this down to remember the moment.Two days ago, my brother came into my room in the morning, and told me about a dream he had. He said he dreamt that I was married and that I had a little girl who looked just like me. And when he woke up, he thought that it was for real. I was still half asleep and did not give much response to him. But after I became more awake, I thought about it, and felt it was really funny. First thing to ask, who's the guy? Of course, it was a typical dream, and he did not see his face.
"But I beat him, cause he was not nice to you."
Hahaha! My little brother! I am thankful that even in his dreams, he is protective of me.
Thinking about this, I feel like it is more of a nightmare (to me). Imagine me having a little girl, who looks just like me! My gosh! How is that going to work out? It's funny and scary at the same time. Pity my brother did not see my "husband's" face, if not, I'd know who to look out for (or avoid). I am not ready for anything.
Thinking about changing diapers and doing the whole motherly thing, milk, crying, poo, mess. All these seem at conflict with my ideal lifestyle. I would like a self-sufficient, self-provident, self-entertaining, self-cleaning-up-their-own-mess baby, if I do have one. Oh I sound so selfish here! I've noticed I'm turning into one of those people who don't like babies/children. I mean they're fun to play with, but not fun to clean up after.
I am pretty much against the idea of marriage, in all it's entirety. Marriage seems like such a tiring business, looking at how things have turned out around me. Not for me. Nope! At least, not now.
p.s. I sound like a selfish creature now, but I'm sure my opinions about things will change in the future. You always end up with what you were totally against in the first place. Oops! (cross-fingers! cross-fingers!) Jie please don't claim this.